At some point, this has become a monthly thing instead of a daily thing. Not sure if that's good or bad...some days I feel like I should be writing, but I'm not sure what to say anymore. Amazing, I know, seeing as how wordy I can be sometimes.
I've been thinking a lot about my job lately. Got a new boss, I've been in my position for a while now, and we're coming up on our last big project (although it always seems there's another "last big project" around the corner.) It's not a bad job...I get decent pay, and it's not a horrible company. But I not all that 'fulfilled', if you know what I mean. I could be doing more. Story of my life, though...I've become a bit of an underachiever.
When I was young, I was pretty smart. It was offered to my parents for me to skip second grade. I didn't, but joined the gifted program. I took my first SAT test in seventh grade, and scored in the 70th percentile...not bad for someone who hadn't even finished junior high. Back then, I wanted to be an astronomer. I loved the stars...still do, but I'm not nearly as enthralled with how they work.
Once I gave up the stars, I wanted to be a chemist. I still love the idea of how things fit together, but I gave up on that dream fairly early, too.
I also thought about becoming a writer...although, truth is, other than this drivel I don't have much to say.
I then was split. I had always been good at math, and I was one of those freaks that loved school. So I decided that I would like to be a math teacher. I kept this dream, except for a short time when I decided to be a pastor. I like talking about religion, and public speaking has never bothered me. I decided that my biggest problem there would be my conviction...I have certain beliefs that I hold, but do I hold them strongly enough to tell other people that they should believe it too? I decided I didn't. I wonder how different my life would have been had I followed that path, though...COULD I have followed that path?
Math teacher it was, then. Due to some problems getting signed up for classes in college, though, I ended up taking an accounting class. It still dealt with numbers, and I was good at it. After seeing how some other people struggled, and how easy I found it, I decided to switch majors and become an accountant. I had designs at that time of teaching accounting...I had always wanted to teach at either a high school or college, and thought that maybe I'd do as one of my professors had done: go out, work some, and then come back and teach.
Around then, I got married and decided I needed to start working. I graduated, and got a job right off that bat as an Assistant Controller...not a bad job for someone right out of college. Through some poor decisions after that, I ended up at my current company. I know work in the IT department as an analyst...which is what most of my users need.
I enjoyed accounting. But it's tough to find accounting jobs, especially now that I'm not actually working in accounting anymore. I don't like what I'm doing, but I can't leave...I have too many responsibilities. I can look for other positions, but I will never be able to live the dream I once had. I had dreams of teaching all year, then having a summer off to spend with my kids. Of being able to drive my kids home after school, of dances, of sports, of being there. And now, I'm not there. I'm not teaching, I don't get summers off, I can't drive my kid to school or take him home because he doesn't live with me. I ended up falling short of my dream, and at almost 40 years old, I know that dream is gone. I'm too old and too far gone to ask 'what I'm going to be when I grow up'...I unfortunately know the answer now.
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