Kathy

My intention today was to fill in more of your birth story, but the present intruded today. This morning at about 2AM, one of your grandmothers, my step-mother, passed away. Instead of continuing on about you, I wanted to tell you a bit more about her.

My parents got divorced when I was about 8 or so. Not too long after that, Grampy started dating again. Remember all the times I've told you that you were charming, and that you got that from me? Well, I got it from him. I vaguely remember the first time we met Kathy. Dad had been dating a woman named Karen before that, and whether it was on purpose or not, your uncle Rick called Kathy by that name for a while. I remember her being graceful about it, correcting him each time.

Soon, Grampy and Kathy got married. Your uncle and I were in the wedding, standing up there at the front of a big church. I don't remember much of the wedding, to be honest...it's all kind of a blur. I do remember how happy Grampy was, though. There were a lot of questions being asked at the time. Wasn't this too soon? Why did he marry her? She was fairly young and didn't have kids herself at the time....could she handle two pre-teen boys? Those questions seem silly now, almost 35 years later.

It wasn't easy, however. She had to learn to handle her new job as mother, and as I've experienced myself, it's a difficult thing to try and come into a situation like that. Uncle Rick and I were still hurt from our parents divorce, and didn't do much to help her. In fact, we actively resisted her attempts to be a mother. I'll blame your uncle more than me, but I can't say that I did much to help myself. It was pretty tumultuous for a few years there. Your uncle Rick and Kathy fought almost every day. I'll never forget what Grampy told him that pretty much changed everything. I'm paraphrasing, but it went something like this: "If you force me to choose between you and her, I'm going to pick her. See, someday, you're going to leave, growing up and moving out to start your own life. I chose her, and she chose me...we're going to be together for life."

The fights didn't necessarily stop, but after that, your uncle knew it was 2 on 1...and those are long odds. I remember one fight where she threw a spoon at him and called him "serpent-mouth"...something we all laugh at now. When you're a kid, you don't understand how difficult it is to come into a ready-made family. It's a job that is almost impossible. She deserves so much credit for sticking it out, and making it work.

I don't want to make it sound like the fights were all between Kathy and uncle Rick, though. She and I didn't fight much, but I will never forget the one fight we did have. You've heard this one before. I was a HUGE Dungeons and Dragons nerd...I had almost every book. She watched the 700 Club, and at the time, there was a lot of what is now called the "Satanic Panic." The 700 Club said that D&D was devil worship...so while I was at baseball practice one day, she threw out all my D&D books. I cried, but she stood firm. It was our one big fight...I now have replaced them all, but I understand why she did it. She was trying to protect me, which is what a mother does.

The thing about your grandmother was that although she never claimed to be the smartest person in the world, she could probably lay claim to having one of the biggest hearts. She cared so much about everyone. When I took your step-mother to meet your grandparents for the first time, it was Kathy that made her feel welcome and part of the family. The first time I had the guys over to my parents house to play cards, it was Kathy that was offering them drinks and food. And when I got in my car accident, it was Kathy that was checking on me to make sure I was okay. After I moved out, it was Kathy that kept all the newspaper clippings, awards and so on. I didn't even know she had them until years later when she presented me with a scrapbook of my childhood. It was amazing.

She was also very creative. She could sew, do needlepoint, quilt...she loved all of that. There's really nothing more special that having an item that someone made for you, and I believe you have one of her quilts. Keep it, and treasure it. She poured her heart into that stuff, and it's a tangible reminder of what she loved.

She was proud to be a grandmother, and loved all her grandchildren. Although you didn't get to see her as much because you live here, and they live there, you should know that she was SO excited to see you for the first time. You were the first grandchild, and she loved you so very much.

Death is hard. Unfortunately, this is the second grandparent you've lost this year, and I know it's not an easy thing to understand. It doesn't get any easier when you're an adult, I'm sorry to say. She had a long illness, and sometimes, as hard as it is, it becomes more merciful to pass on than to try and keep fighting it. It doesn't seem fair...she was relatively young, and this illness came out of the blue. We want to understand why these things happen, and there just really isn't a good explanation. It's one of the hardest parts of being a human being. Seeing someone we love suffer, and then having to deal with the loss, just sucks. All we can do is do our best to enjoy the time we have, and remember the time we spent with people. It's never long enough, and it hurts like hell when they're gone, but remember it's temporary...we'll see her again. And she'll no longer be in pain, and we'll have all eternity to listen to her tells us stories...something else she loved to do.

As for me, although it hurts, I'm glad that she's no longer in pain. I appreciate everything she tried to do for me, even as I fought against it. She loved deeply, and I'm glad that she loved us. May she rest in peace...we'll miss you, Kathy.