Exposing myself (not like that...)

My purpose in writing this blog is, basically, to get the things in my head down on 'paper.' It's a self-help mechanism, a sounding board, a way to express myself. I've found in therapeutic in as much as it helps me put into words what I'm thinking or feeling. I've put it out here in public for a couple reasons...one, if I feel that there are readers (even if there aren't), I feel a bit of a commitment to do it. Two, I think I have to be honest. If I'm not, there's always the possibility that I'll get called on my bullshit. Third, maybe it'll help someone else. Maybe by verbalizing what I'm feeling, I can help them with whatever issue they have. I'm not talented enough to write poetry, or sing songs, or paint...but I have always had a least some ability to express myself.

All that being said, I still feel that bit of exposure when I've found someone has read it that I didn't expect. I can see the statistics...I know that there are SOME people out there that read this shit. I tend to ignore that as much as possible, though. My goal has never been to write FOR you, it's to write TO me and share it with you. In "real" life, I'm the type of person that is typically very quiet, until you get to know me. Put me in a room full of strangers, and you won't know I'm there. In a room full of my friends, or at least people I'm familiar with, I'll be in the front of the room holding court.

I guess what I'm saying is that I treat this space as a room full of friends. I share much more than I would if I was out in public...which, of course, is why I have such problems meeting new people. I can be fairly personable, I have a pretty good (if sometimes dirty) sense of humor, and I can speak intelligently on a lot of different topics (or at least fake it.) So why try so hard to fade into the background? If I could treat the 'real' world like I do the 'unseen' world here, I think I would be a lot better off. Maybe if I could just get everyone to turn around for a couple minutes? No? Okay...guess I'll just have to work on it.