Pride

"Pride goeth before the fall" is how I believe the saying goes. I think it comes from the bible, and basically says that being too proud and overconfident will lead you to make mistakes and cause your downfall. It's something I've always tried to avoid...maybe too much. But not always successfully.

It's a contradiction, I suppose. I can be incredibly insecure sometimes, as I've discussed. I do have pride, though. I know that I have value, and that I'm worth something. I do certain things well, and on balance, I think I try to be a pretty good guy. I handle my responsibilities, and I try very hard to say what I mean, and mean what I say. Although I've certainly allowed myself to be treated in ways I didn't really think I deserved, it hasn't happened often, and I've left those situations where I felt that way.

I've also gone too far, and allowed my pride to cause my fall. One of the stupidest things I ever did was break up with a girl in high school because I was too proud to admit that I screwed up. I ended a relationship of almost a year, and I've always wondered what would have happened if I hadn't just come clean. Maybe we would have broke up anyway, or maybe I would have ruined her life for a few more years. Seeing where she's at now, I'd have to say that she's done well for herself without me. Could be that my idiocy was fated...but I'll always wonder.

Now, I try to balance the two. Not be so proud that I let little things get under my skin. To understand the situation as best I can, and forgive those things that are merely irritants, or temporary. To take a long term view...can I handle minor problems in order to achieve major goals? Handle my pride, but not give in to my feelings about myself and allow someone to walk on me?

I think I'm doing a much better job at both lately. Right now, honestly, I feel fairly content. I feel good about myself, but not so much so that I can't admit when I screw up, or can't forgive a minor blow to my pride. For the most part, I'm in a pretty good place mentally. It's kind of a weird feeling for me...but I like it.