Blah. That about sums up today. It hasn't stopped raining all day (at least it's not snow...see, I can be positive!) The cat still won't eat. And I'm feeling guilty for more things that I shouldn't.
Of course, that's not news. I've said before, no one knows how to beat me up like I do. And sometimes, I certainly deserve it. It's a part of being responsible for your actions, I think. I don't get to escape from punishment just because no one else punishes me...I'll do my best to punish myself. It sounds stupid when I spell it out like that, but that's pretty much what's happening.
Take the cat, for example. It's not my fault the cat has liver disease. It's not my fault that won't eat. I'm doing my best to take care of her, and extend her life as long as I can with the hope for some sort of miracle turn-around. But I feel horribly guilty about it. I took this cat from a friend who cared a lot for her...really, she is one awesome cat. I feel more than anything like I let him down by taking her and having her in this position just a few months later. I try to tell myself that isn't the case, but as I've discussed, the rational part of my brain isn't all that great at influencing the feeling part. There are other examples, but it's that kind of thinking that brings me down.
There's this concept that I'm turning around in my head, and haven't figured out how to verbalize yet. It's the concept of the 'real-me' versus the 'mental-me.' I'm going to try and flesh it out...maybe tomorrow.
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