Protecting myself...from myself

Today I've been thinking a lot about a previous post that I made about 'false hope.' It's the phenomena I described where I get myself all excited about something, then immediately convince myself that it's never going to happen, and feel almost the same disappointment that I would if it didn't. I know it's partly a defense mechanism. Although the 'false hope' hurts, in some ways it takes the edge of the disappointment that I'd feel if I really got my hopes up, and it doesn't come through.

The point of the post was that I should avoid this 'false hope'. What I may not have been as clear about is the need for hope in general. Rather than getting overly excited about something, then crashing down, I need to put it in a realistic perspective. Let's see if I can come up with an example.

Let's say there's a rumor of a new job opening that I think I would be a perfect fit for. Rather than getting too excited about it up front, I need to put it in proper perspective, take a step back and really look at it. I may determine that there's a 60% chance that it's just that...a rumor. No new position exists. Now, while that would suck, I could deal with it...it wasn't that I didn't get it, it wasn't there to begin with. This is where the 'false hope' needs to be avoided. NOTHING HAS CHANGED...there is certainly no reason to be depressed about it. I may wish the position would have been created, and maybe it will in the future. I might be disappointed, but I shouldn't be crushed.

I might put a 10% chance of the position being created, and me getting the job. That's the proper perspective to get excited about. There's a relatively small chance, but a chance. The other 30% is the chance that the position is created, but for whatever reason, I don't get the job. That would be pretty devastating.

At that point, I could step back and look at it in total. 90% chance I don't get it, 30% I don't get it in a way that's going to be hard to take, 10% chance I get it. That's certainly enough to be hopeful about, without mentally crushing myself about it.

 Of course, all of that is easier said than done. It's a defense mechanism to try and protect me from my own defense mechanism. Feelings aren't rational, and most of the time when I'm hopeful, it's based not on a rational expectation, but instead on a feeling. All I can really do is try my best to think my way through it, and not allow myself to be disappointed over something that hasn't even happened yet...there's enough real disappointment in the world without creating my own.