Not sure I've got much to say today. I've had a headache most of the day, and I'm feeling kind of bummed out. Don't really have a reason why...it just happens, I suppose.
I went to a party last night. Lots of kids, lots of old friends, lots of people I didn't know. It was a very diverse party, including a gay couple and a lesbian couple. Now, as I've said before, I couldn't care less. I'm jealous that they're in love, but as far as who people find love in, it's not my business nor is it my concern. I'm happy for them. What surprised me a bit was not my reaction to them, but the initial reaction I received. See, I'm a Tennessee Volunteer fan, and I was wearing my UT hat and jacket. When the lesbian couple (I hate calling them that, but I don't use names here...) came in, my hat was the first thing they noticed. I think the initial reaction was "redneck", and they seemed kind of wary around me. I made an effort to overcome it, but it initially caught me off guard...not sure I've ever received that kind of reaction before. It was certainly no big deal...not like I'm a social butterfly in those situations anyway. Just an observation. For the record, both couples were hilarious, and had me rolling. Good folks.
I was thinking last night when I was trying to go to sleep...there seems to be this struggle in my head. I've said many times that I lack self-esteem, and that's true in regards to me trying to approach someone. I don't feel confident that I'd be worth their effort. On the other hand, I seem to have enough self-esteem that I think I should be good enough for SOMEONE, otherwise I don't think I would be so frustrated about it. So I guess that's the problem...I'm waiting for someone to find value enough in me to want to get to know me, but I don't feel enough value in myself to just show them. Or at least that's what I figured out while half asleep.
What a piece of work.
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