It's early on a Saturday morning, my boy is upstairs playing a video game, and I may not have time later to make a post. What better time to talk about sex? Another touchy subject...I'm on a bit of a roll this week. Better to go ahead and get the controversial subjects out of the way, no?
I'll tell you I'm not 'like other guys' when it comes to sex. I'm not positive that's true, but I really do believe it. On the one hand, I love sex. But I have no interest in sex just for the sake of having it...there are other things I love too, and they're not as messy and don't have as many consequences. I've never asked for it in my life...I never seem to be able to make the first move. My father gave me advice when I started dating. One was don't kiss and tell if you expect to kiss again. The other was to never take advantage of a situation. I've taken this to an unfortunate extreme, in that I've got it in my head that as long as I don't make the first move, I can't be accused of taking advantage of any situation. It's not a good quality...it's cost me more than one relationship when she was as shy as I am, and thought that I didn't find her attractive. That was never the case...I was just waiting. It wasn't good for my marriage, either. Thirteen years, and I never asked for it. Didn't make her feel very good, and I'm very sorry for that.
I lost my virginity to my brother's girlfriend in my parent's bed five days after my 14th birthday. I didn't love her, didn't really even like her that much. I just couldn't say no. My second was to her best friend whom she told. She rode her bike about 5 miles to my house, and again, I couldn't say no. My third was to my first true love...it's the one I really count. We dated, on and off, for almost six years. I truly thought I was going to marry her. Since then, I've been with a few other women...all but two I was in a relationship of some sort with. I've never had a 'one-night stand', and don't really want one.
I have a philosophy when it comes to sex (of course...what DON'T I have a philosophy about??) My goal is very simple...make her happy, and she'll come back. I'm certainly not all that great physically...I'll tell you I'm hung like a Ken doll. Truth is, I'm average or so. No great shakes. But there are other skills that I have that come in handy. First, I studied. That may sound like a joke, but it isn't. My greatest advice for men who are looking to make their partner happy? Get some movies made by women, for women, and take notes. Believe me, they know what they're doing much better than you do. Second, LISTEN. Even if they're not that vocal, they'll let you know if you're doing your job or not. Third, forget about yourself. If you make her happy, most women will make you happy in turn. And last, and most important, focus. My reason for hating the idea of a one-night stand is that I need to feel an emotional connection. I need to feel that, for the time I'm with her, we're connected more than just physically. I use my hands alot...I have a bit of a hair fetish, so I'm constantly running my fingers through her hair, caressing her face, etc. If the emotional connection isn't there, I'm basically just masturbating with another person. Might as well do it myself...I know what I'm doing, and there aren't any complications.
So there it is. Truthfully, sex has never been that big a deal for me. Again, it's about the emotional connection, and I can have that with someone through other experiences...watching a movie, playing a game, or just sitting and talking. The one thing I can't stand is when people don't treat it as IMPORTANT. Not important to have...as an important experience between two people that care about each other. I think it is. I think there would be a lot of people that were happier if they did, too.
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